Sunday, April 09, 2006

Seeing RED!


Well the meltdown came in the form of - white and dark chocolate biscuits, 3 sausages, 3 rolls dripping with butter and cheese and six chocolate covered donuts. Even just writing that makes me feel sick! And the only reason that I can give is that right now I am angry! Not the kind of want to hurt someone angry just angry Angry at what I have no idea (I never said I was sane), I just feel this anger at everything and everyone. I guess that's why they call it emotional eating I am stuffing down what I am angry at and because I have been doing it for so long I now have no idea what the real issue is. There could be lots of little things that set me off - uni, my husband, kids, other people - but I am sure there must be something bigger for my anger to be this big, it almost seems selfish to feel like this, there are so many other people who are worse off and have real reasons to feel angry and frustrated but I can't help it, the only thing that seems to stop it consuming me is eating. I go into a black mood, eat whatever is not tied down and then I feel okay - almost like I have let my feelings out but really I haven't. ARRRRGGGHHHH! Sorry this is such a rambling just needed to vent a bit. Tomorrow is a new day and all that.

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