Last night after finsihing one whole family pizza and a family block ofCadbury's Mint Chip chocolate I decided it was time to stop hiding and come out from under my rock. The rock of blaming my genes, my mother, my stepmother, my husband, stress, no sleep, celebrations, breastfeeding, or the makers of all those tempting foods that surround me - the rock that to date I keep peeking out from but actually haven't got up the guts (and energy!) just to move the bloody thing! Well last night as I lay down in bed feeling disgusted with myself for being a failure - I put a stop to the voice and said this is the last time, the last time I will sleep feeling this way and the last time I will beat myself up for something I know I can change.
Today I feel mentally ready to do it! My brain in engaged and now its time to make my body that way. My biggest challenge to face will be using food as a release from stress - it's how I wind down, how I escape the crying baby or whinging toddler or the house that doesn't 'fit' our family (story for another day!). I know that food is a temporary fix after its gone I still need to deal with whatever drove me to it and this is my greatest challenge on this journey. Dealing with things instead of running and hiding under the doona with a bucket of KFC as protection. Its time to deal with why I eat, the food I eat is just a side issue.
Someone green once said 'ogre's are like onions ... they have layers.' Well that what my relationship with food is - it has layers and I am going to start peeling them away.
1 comment:
What a good metaphore. We are all made up of heaps of layers and sometimes a layer comes off really quickly and other times it takes a bit longer to get to the next one.
Good on you for knowing that food is only a temporary fix. I know because I do it too. That dinner time routine of trying to feed a 4.5yr old and 23 month old and get them in a bath, then out of the bath, then into pj's, then into bed so they don't keep running out. It is so tiring and I often have more than I should eat at this time.
I think you can do it. Start by fixing one part at a time then increasing the good habits bit by bit. That way it won't feel like you have turned yourself upside down all at once.
Good on you for coming out of the rock, hope to see a lot more of you. Have a great day Bex :)
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