Chocolate dipped

Well its been one of those weeks where I could have quite easily chocolate dipped my offspring and devoured them with a cold beer. Gained 400g - bit of a shock but probably not a big surprise. Getting a bit fed up actually - my weight and food issues seem so deep set that I would have to dig to China to get to the bottom of things (and probably while I was there deplete their country of wontons). This week I started to look at the 10 winning habits stuff from WW thinking that maybe they might know what they are talking about and I have started working on a coupld of them:
*Being active - this one I have pretty much got done - I have actually started to enjoy exercise and find that I now just move more in general.
*Sort Surroundings - this one is okay, the house is 90% free of temptation foods, the only issue here is that I buy Jade snacks (!) that really she doesn't need either so this one is just a matter of stopping her snacks.
*Plan Ahead - Have done a plan for each day - haven't followed it 100% but at least I have planned and it makes me think before I eat (well sometimes)
and my latest working on habit that I started this weekend was making wise food choices and this is where it kind of fell apart (atom bomb style). I know what I should be eating, I know what I shouldn't be eating but still I eat - so I have come to the conclusion that my eating is an emotional problem (duh!) and if I get that one little thing sorted I will be fine (hehehehehehe).

The eighth wonder of the world

Weigh in last night. And I lost ... 1.1kgs!! What the....?! My theory is that the week before was so bad that my slip up this week didn't even register to badly on the ricter scale, so I will happily take my loss and use it to keep me motivated for this week. My first big hurdle is this weekend, Dad is taking my little girl and usually when she is around it seems that my little demons take over and its takeaways, dining out, eating crap, drinking wine (hmmm maybe I could just have a couple) - rather odd the rituals we have don't you think. So I have asked my husband if this weekend can be less about the food and more about enjoying ourselves, then when he asked me 'okay what you want to do?' I was stumped- what do you do if you are not eating?! Hopefully I will work this one out before Dad comes to pick her up.

My challenge this week is tackling my emotional eating. My plan is to draw up a distraction list and if I get 'The Urge' I will first have to go through my distraction list and actually do everything and if I am still hungry afterwards than I will have something. Sounds like a good theory right and I guess that is what this weight loss journey is all about trying out new theories and finding one that works.

Discovery

I have just discovered another habit and thought I had better write about it before I began my denial process and it disappeared. Today I went to the shops to buy my daughter some play whistles (who said bribery!!)and while I was there I kept looking for something to eat even though I actually didn't have one of my normal cravings (that could get someone killed if they got in front of me) I really felt like nothing so what happened I just grabbed anything. That anything was custard scrolls (4 pack), kinder bar, bottle of wine and a bag of chips - AND I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE ANYTHING!! So I think that for me I associate eating with cues - like going to the supermarket, movies, shopping, visiting, holidays, weekends, friday night, sitting in the bath (it was only once!!). So another habit to work on to add to the list, hey but I am making progress at least now I can recognise what I am doing even if I am still at the stage where I am not stopping myself.

Health binge?!?

After last weeks weigh in I was on a roll and had a plan and that plan lasted for three days - Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Now I am actually rather pleased with myself for that because its about the first time I have got through a weekend with out ending up drooling over the cake counter. I thought I had it sorted because I had cleared out the cupboards (trying very hard not to eat everything instead of throwing it away) and stacking them with healthly low fat food choices, believing that once my surroundings were sorted I would be okay but no it seems that my surroundings are only the tip of the iceberg. In the last couple of days I have chomped my way through healthy snacks galore, so I am still eating the amount of food to feed an African nation but now its just healthy. So today during one of my hand-mouth sessions I thought about why I was doing it and the reason - I WAS BORED - bored out of my mind, in fact so bored I could have chewed my arm off for a bit of entertainment. Crappy weather, baby fast asleep and the only things left to do were housework (arrrgggh!), assignments (AAARRRGGGHH!) or eat (mmmmmm). What is it about eating that feels so damn good? I wasn't chowing down on chocolate covered donuts I was eating crackers for goodness sake with some diet coke to wash it down! Now I thought that when you started eating healthy you didn't eat as much but no I can still put away a six pack of yoghurt as quickly as a six pack of beer (doesn't seem to have the same effect though). So two days till weigh in day and for now I am going to just keep my surroundings safe and next week I will work on why I eat. Just have to remember this weigh loss stuff will take some time and isn't a quick fix - I need chocolate!!

Bring it on!!

Today was the weigh in.....900...on! But it's not like I can sob why! into my skinny latte, I bloody know why! The donuts, the chocolate, the extra helpings of chinese, in fact I might have even eaten the little boy who delivers the local paper. But even though I am doing so well at the face stuffing (with jaw muscles that have been worked to olympic standard) and they are thinking of declaring me 'donut queen 2006, tonight my little (well younger) sister joined WW and to me that spells out put down the food and BRING IT ON GIRL!! Not that I am overly competitive or anything ha! She is a virgin WW so it will be experience verses enthusiasm and I will not go down without a fight.

I have noticed after reading other weight loss blogs, while eating chocolate (bit like reading a slimming magazine with a packet of tim tams or is that just me?) that there are three main things all the successful girls seem to have in common 1)Planning - everything is planned, meals and exercise are carefully plotted out whether it be for a day or week 2)Challenges - everyone is on some sort of challenge and 3)Rewards - rewards for getting to a certain goal, completing a challenge or for just plan getting through the week without making attempts to deplete the world of whittakers santa bars (yummmmmmm). So my mission for tomorrow is to come up with a plan, a challenge and a reward for this week - note to self rewarding with a KFC family feast for being good all week is NOT a valid reward.

Warning Meltdown in Progress!!

The weekend is over and I have sunk into a weight loss nightmare. You know how once you have let yourself have that one bite, that one lick and before you know it you are lying under a blanket of chocolate wrappers and empty donut containers - well that's where I am now. I thought that I was leaving this land behind but unfortunately it followed me and appears to have attached itself to any part of my body it could get a hold of. I am not quite sure how to get out of it, I keep thinking that at the bottom of the cake box there may be some infinite wisdom but no matter how many cakes I go through I still haven't found it. Exercise has also become a distant memory and my treadmill is starting to look like a great clothes line. So all in all I feel fat, overwhlemed and darn well over the whole thing.

Shall we take it from the top then?

Well this morning I lay in bed staring at the ceiling and told myself that I really should vaccum in the corners before the cobwebs took over the room and that there was no way that I was going to the weight watchers meeting this morning. Images of the weigher leaping up from her seat and screaming 'you fat cow!! Nobody in the history of WW has ever put on that much weight in one week!!'ran through my head but then I remembered that when I began WW this time I would go each week regardless of what had gone on or what I thought might happen, I would go and keep going until I left my fat arse behind. So that's what I did - I got up and went. And yes the results were bad but the world didn't collapse and nobody laughed (well not to my face anyway). Hey, so I gained 1.3 kilos, it just means this week I have to work harder and the local donut shop might go bust without my custom but I know the damage and I am facing the crimes committed.

This weekend might be a bit of a doozy (or is that boozy) a friends wedding down the line - so weekend away with only one child - the nice wee quiet baby one and an unlimited supply of wine and good food. Now usually I would think bugger it I'm away its a celebration lets have a party in my mouth but this time I am not thinking that (well gritting my teeth and trying to keep myself distracted from those thoughts - Orlando Bloom and his magic bow and arrow seems to work!) All I keep telling myself is get through this weekend and you are one step closer to your goal and for the next wedding I will look even hotter! So new day, new week - take it from the top!

You are what you eat!

There I was, 8.30 this evening and feeling like a giant wonton. I had just eaten five of them with a generous serving of fried rice and sweet and sour pork and in the back of my mind I heard the dreaded "you have a weigh in tomorrow!!" yet the part of my brain that calls the greasy, fat seemed to be screaming louder "go girl". Yeah right go girl straight to fat camp, don't pass KFC and collect the 40 piece pack!! So I knew that I needed to get real and part of getting real is sharing with any unfortuate poor soul who happens to stumble onto my blog, my journey to skinnydoom, to be able to shop in the skinny bitches shops (SBS), to be free from the call of the donut, the allure of the smell of freshly cooked bread (okay now I'm hungry!). I think by sharing I will admit things I have been to scared to admit and maybe become more accountable for why I have been overweight for most of my adult life. My motto has been 'if noone sees you eat it the calories don't count', but having this blog means that I feel like big brother is looking out for me and I had better not be caught with mock cream and icing sugar around my mouth.

I have been on Weight watchers for six weeks now. Huh! Who am I kidding?! I should rephrase that I have been going to weight watchers meetings and paying my $15.90 for six weeks now and yes I have lost a bit ofweight - 1.6kgs and I guess it isn't so bad considering that I am breastfeeding and get to eat 32 points per day - yes he will be breastfeeding until he is 15! But realistically the weight I have lost has been nothing to do with hard work, I only manage to follow program for three days out of seven and try to gt away with the least amount of exercise possible. So now I want to be healthy (and look good naked of course!). I have had enough of the zepplin in a condom look and avoiding at all costs the dreaded dressing rooms at clothing stores aka torture chambers. So here's to being honest, being real and looking sexy in a pair of size 12 levi's.