My little baby boy

And cause he missed out in the wedding stuff I thought I just had to add him anyway!!!

This is Sebastian (named after the boy in never ending story!!), Jade is named after Jade Stadium in Christchurch. GO THE AB'S!!!!

Pictures part two - worked out multi picture thing

The happy couple - my sister Shona and her new hubby Nev. BIG CONGRATS!!!!


















This is my gorgeous baby girl Jade who played flower girl - isn't she sweet!!! Unfortunately my little boy wasn't at the wedding (no children policy had to sneak Jade in by convincing my sister to make her one of the bridal party!). The front of her dress was like a chiffon sack and held loose flower petals very cool!!!

Picture from Sisters wedding!

How the hell do you get more than one picture onto a post at a time?????!!!!!

This is of me and my hubby Jeff (the flowers are my sisters who decided someone else should carry them for her for the day!!)

Just call me speedy!!!!

Yay we have broadband internet again and its so exciting - yes small things and all......I have missed the blogging world and the inspriation I gain from writing or reading but its back and not a moment too soon.

My sister got married last week and it was wonderful although it started off a week of terrible eating - bridezilla did you say? My sister would win the title hands down so to keep my mouth shut while she was ranting I ate. But the day was beautiful and its time to move on. I lost 900gms for Jan and hey not great but still 900gms gone. Now time to 'kick it up a notch'.

I am absolutely ('cuse the french) shitting myself cause school is soon to started but its so exciting - I have my very own classroom!!!! and group of 11 year olds to mold!!!! hehehehehehe. The teachers seem awesome and I can't wait.

Loving the new house and our neighbours - very friendly bunch with lots of drinking (and did I mention our rather hot looking neighbour - he's married with kids but that doesn't mean I can't perv - hey might get more gardening done.)

Sorry for all the rambling but its been awhile and just feeling content at the moment, everything seems to be falling nicely into place. Scary but sooooooooooooo exciting.

I am still here!!!

It so sucks and I am going through witdrawal!!! I don't have normal access to the internet at the moment as we are waiting to be connected up so am having to use the mobile phone to sneak in whenever I can (and for as long as the frigging tempermental phone lets me!!!). I miss reading about what is happening with others - its like not being able to catch up on friends for awhile and have a good chat and I miss writing my thoughts and feelings about this topsy turvy journey we call weight loss. So quick update like a shapshot of today so I know where I was when I look back.

Lost 900grams in last two weeks, still a bit all over the place about WW, thinking about seeing a therapist to finally deal with the issues, changed hair colour, loving the new house and neighbourhood, getting nervous about first day as a REAL teacher.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Well I never did get around to posting my last weigh in for 2006 - maybe living in a state of denial but I have been chanting that my weight doesn't define me and now I am ready for the big reveal..........94.2 kgs which is a total GAIN of 14.2kgs for the year!! Now thats all I will say about that and time to move on...........

Tonight it is weigh in night and I am okay about it, I did okay not really any exercise but my food was definately better, think a lot of it has a lot to do with living in such a wonderful place and not being bored. Our house is so much bigger and just ...well better, I am so less inclined to just sit around eating and watching TV I seem to be moving more also living in Waiuku means easy access to some great beaches. Also found the local squash club and have decided that I would love to have a game or two!

So really new year, new house - and lots of amazing stuff that I want to do!! I want to get out and meet some new people, try new things - generally start enjoying life instead of waiting for it to come to me.

Yay back to a computer!!

Wow!! What an insane week and a bit. Last Tuesday we started the packing and moving to the new house (thus reason for lack of posts and being able to catch up with other peoples blogs!) and then xmas - ahem!! - and then my little boy turned one on boxing day (where has the year gone) so finally today I am able to grab a few minutes to try and catch up with myself.

House - loving the new house and the space and the area - it feels like we are on holiday even though we are just at home. Jade keeps asking if we are going back to our old house because if we are she will stay here without us!!
Xmas - Inventory - 5 pkts of scorched almonds, 4 fruit mince pies, large box of lindor balls, 3 small pkts of lindor mint balls, chocolate mud cake (birthday cake) and other numerous indulgences that are getting too scary to list.
Seb's birthday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LITTLE MAN - he is growing up so fast and I am going to be so sad to not be with him everyday when I go back to work *sniff sniff*
WW - Well tonight I go back. There is a local one here on Thursday nights and I know I should go and face up to my xmas inhaling of food, I am a little scared. One because I know that I have gone way up (I think all the weight I lost when I was pregnant -11kgs - is back) and two because I am a rather shy person and I get nervous going places where I know nobody - I know the leader as she is the same leader from the meeting I used to go to in the city but I don't know any people. But I need to take the bull by the horns - it will be a great way to get to know some of the people who live out this way and if I keep going to the city meetings it will be to easy to say its too far away and put off going. JUST DO IT!!!!

Well I hope everyone had a wonderful happy xmas break and enjoying the sunshine (when it comes out!!!), I will be back to report the damage and catch up on what everyone else is up to tonight.

X Bex

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!

I got the job - man some people have poker faces when interviewing and I thought I was doomed!!!!! But I will be teaching year sevens - think that is probably the year before kids go bad hehe. I am so excited - this means so many pressures taken off. We can afford the new house, I can spend more money this christmas and I am not going to go insane spending time at home. Now I can breathe and just enjoy xmas!!!!!!!

Interview Over!

Well quick note just to say interview over.....binge eating started - guess that sums up how it all went. POOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Need a buddy

I have decided that I need to look elsewhere for support and a buddy in this weight loss journey. Jeff just doesn't get it and frankly I think he is sick to death of hearing oooohhh look at this diet, I will start tomorrow, OMG I am so fat blub blub blub!! And I don't blame him we have been together for about 10 years and for at least 7 of those I have been on diet. Now he kind of just shrugs and says 'whatever'. Not that he isn't supportive cause he really wants me to succeed I just think the food/diet/exercise talk is getting him down. So I am on the look out for a buddy.

Now my mother has been my buddy and has been supportive except that she has just about finished her journey (bitch!! just joking!!!) and I think it would be nice to have someone outside of the family. So how to find one - maybe advertise in the local paper. Wonder what that ad would look like:

Wanted: Someone who is into lard busting and likes long walks on the beach. Must bring own carrot sticks and diet coke


hehehehe I think the chocolate has gone to my head.

So why then?

So why doI want to lose weight? Probably should of written this entry before today might have stopped the uncontrolable bored/anxiety binge. But hey better late than never...... here is my first five (I have challenged myself to come up with 103, why 103, I like the number three okay!) I have put them in no particular order....

1. I want to have photos that I think wow I look good instead of OMG just how many chins and rolls can you see?
2. I don't want to get diabetes - with having had gestational diabetes during both pregnancy I have a huge risk of getting Type 2 and really the only way to drop my risk is drop my weight. Say no to needles
3. I want to be a good role model for my children - especially after my daughter said to me today when we were grocery shopping "yay daddy and Seb aren't here so we can get lots of chocolate!!!!"
4. I want to enjoy summer instead of hiding away because I am too hot and everything is too tight and walking may cause thigh rubbing fire
5. I want to have GREAT SEX!!! (sorry mum!) I know Jeff loves me as I am but I am not happy as I am so our bedroom aerobics consists more of me finding ingenious ways to hide my wobbly bits

oooooooo have to add number six

6. I want to fit into my size 12 lee jeans again!! booohoooo

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO got job interview at school in Waiuku on Wednesday!! God now I have to find something to wear!!!!!!!!!!

Actions speak louder than words

But at the moment I am all about the talk and not enough about the actions. In all of this time that I have had a blog I have realised that I have all the ideas in the world and I could apply for an honourary degree in Nutrition and exercise. I know what to do, when to do it and howmuch I should be doing or having the part I am missing is how to put it into practise.

Today I feel crappy I have gotten to the point where I know I am just about to gain a whole lotta weight - you know the feeling everything feels tight - my clothes, my skin and whenever I sit I have to pull my tshirt out of my rolls and then can feel them folding over each other and over my jeans. Jeans that were a few months ago starting to look like needed replacing as they were starting to hang off my arse, now my arse is threatning to spill over the top. I am now hitching them up not because they are too big but because the fat is working its way out the top.

Oh Rebecca, Rebecca, Rebecca woo is me!!!! LOL!! Right now I have to laugh cause I may cry - I have done this to myself and am currently using every excuse in the book - kids, moving house, rejection letters, low energy, they were there and I have to eat them rather than throw them out!!!! COME ON REBECCA!!! (Insert hit to forhead!)

So I am going to go away now (no!! not to finish the bag of salt n vinegar chip my husband (aka feeder fred) brought yesterday and left sitting in full view on the bench) I am going to go away and decide why do I want to lose weight - move towards something I want instead of something I don't want (yes being a stay at home mum means I watch Dr Phil).............

Broke!!!

WE BROUGHT A NEW HOUSE!!!! Yay us! Wonderful house lots of room huge backyard and peaceful surroundings what more could we ask for. Next in my dream book a bloody job to help pay for it and size 12 lee jeans! heheheheh

This weeks weigh in was rather tragic although probably got off lightly - gained 100grams. Now I can't wait for maintenance because for the last 17 weeks I have pretty much maintained my weight give or take a kilo or so and I am so over myself and self sabotage. So my plan is to take one day at a time, forget about yesterday and plan for tomorrow.

Plan for this week: 50,000 steps by the end of the week, eat my fruit servings and track everything I eat. Small steps equals small butt.

WOOHOO!! and feel sick!!

WOOHOO - we have sold the house - yay for trade me only took 36 hours just have to wait for lawyers to do their thing. Feel a bit sick - cause its scary and a bit sad this was our first house and there is lots of little things we have done (and still heaps of big things to be done - thus wanting to move) like planting a same veggie garden - the veggies have only just starting to grow, painting a pink (and I mean pinkpink!) room for our daughter just finished so she won't get into it and did we sell it too cheaply. But I guess the universe is saying time to move on - new beginning so Waiuku here we come. We are looking at houses today!!! So excited!!!!

New Profile Photo

Finally a photo of me that isn't a cartoon!!! Scary really putting it out there for all to see. It is a photo of me taken about a week ago and I weigh 89.6 kilos!!!!!

Decided to nick a idea that I read in a comment post about photo updates (sorry can't remeber who but big credit to ya). I am going to buy a disposable camera and take a photo of myself after every three kilos lost and/or every month than when I finally get to goal I will take it in to get developed. Think that means I would have to do it in about a year as I am sure that the cameras expire!!!

Okay see bit by bit I am getting myself sorted - as they say how do you eat an elephant?

9 Months Pregnant!?!

Don't you sometimes wish you had a third leg so that you could kick yourself in the butt without falling over - I would gie myself a serious arse kicking right now because I was just having a nice memory moment about how my DS will soon be 1 year and this time last year I was nearly nine months pregnant! And then like a bolt of lightning - BAM!!! I was also about the same weight and bloody nine months pregnant!!! Well all I could say was frig me!! So then I read through this blog of mine that was suppose to be my inspriation and noted all my bright ideas and the not so bright ones and here I am - nearly nine months pregnant!!!!

So some serious thinking needs to be done me thinks. Yes its hard with two young children, having time to exercise, not eating their food but is it any harder than dying of a heart attack or testing my blood sugar levels four times a day as i struggle to breath due to the fat pressing down on my chest and my body rotting underneath me because I can't move and no one comes to see my any more because I beg for more food or make chomping motions at their children.....ahem....no its not harder I just have to pull my finger out and get moving, get organised, get a chocolate bar. See the root of all evil I love food!! Touching food, smelling food, tasting food even food porn (food channel, cookbooks) I can't get enough of.

Instant Gratification!

Now this is not about weight loss although I suppose in some round about way it is. I think I come from a generation where we are about the instant gratification and want everything to happen now - or at least I do!!!

We have decided to move house yahhhhhhhhh!! And such a cool house with some land and what looks like a great little community. Its in Waiuku which is about 45-60 mins out of Auckland so far enough to be no longer be a real JAFA but not so far that we can still have our fix of the best coffee from Swirl cafe.

Now here is where my wanting it all now comes in....I have applied for a teaching job at the local school and it looks like a neat school to work for also its only just down the road from the house we are probably going to buy and even though I only sent in the application on Thursday night I have already started the negative thoughts that they don't want me and I am never go to get a job - thus emotional eating. I know intellectually that the second they saw my application they were not going to ring up and offer me the job then and there and that there will be many applications that they need to go through but I HATE waiting I want to know now!!!! I want to feel secure that we will buy the house and I will have a job and everything is going to work out!!! Arrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!

Ok Go!

Is the name of a very very cool band and its also how I feel today. After my grump bitch of the last little while I had a chat with myself (Jeff (DH) thinks I am rather odd and may need help due to conversation with myself turn into arguments with myself but I think its perfectly normal!!) Anywho I read through my inspriing chicks blogs and realised how much of a cry baby I really am.

For fuck's sake girl just get on with it!!! Instead of doing things I seem to just bitch about why I can't - lordy lordy!! I have a whole box full of clothes that don't fit and a draw of t-shirts that do!! I don't think wearing t-shirts to any do's over the festive season is going to cut it so only have one choice - lose the weight!!! Okay going to stop using exclamation marks!!! Now!!!

So getting back on track with food and exercise blah blah blah. But more exciting, for me anyway, I have pulled out a book I brought a while a go called list yourself. Its all about making lists of your life and anyone who knows me knows I love making lists - might not do anything but I like to make lists okay!!

So the list for me to work on this week is.....drum roll, random page open......

List all the extravagant material goods you'd buy if you had unlimited funds

He, he well how much paper have I got. So this week I will make my list and post what I come up with. Ohohohohoh list making...ahem!

Another thing I am going to do - yes another list- the 101 in 1001. Quick google search will give you all the info for this one. It is basically a list of things you want to achieve in the next 1001 days. So gonna put mine together and get me out this 29 slump.

TFTD - Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do

What next???

Well I think I have identified a reason that I appear to be freaking out a little at the moment. I turned 29 on October 27 and ever since I have kind of felt in a little haze. Now I know 29 is not that old and 30 is the new 20 and all that but.... all my life I have had the 'by the time I am thirty......' and all my goals in life were geared up to happen by the time I was thirty - getting married, having children, buying a house, getting my degree and of course getting in shape. And now thirty is just around the corner and the only goal I haven't accomplished is the getting in shape so I think that I am scared that I won'taccomplish this one goal by next year - does that mean I will be fat for the rest of my life? Also what now that I have crossed most things off my list - what do I do now? I know that I need to come up with some new goals but I have been so focused on the ones to accomplish by the time I get to thirty that I haven't thought further ahead and I kind of feel empty.

I think 29 is the year that I need to close doors and find closure and get ready for a fresh 30 start but what happens after thirty - what is my fresh start?

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Right now I am struggling to keep afloat.

My life swings between - not eating, obsessing about eating, and binging - the middle ground appears to have gone. If I am not binging I am so anxious that I chew on my nails and almost feel like I am having a panic attack. Maybe its all of the dieting talk that has been going on around me with Sis wedding coming up, maybe its me graduating and now having to find a job. I don't know what it is but I need to stop it. Today it is a beautiful day and all I can think about is food - not taking my daughter to the beach, or playing outside or going to visit my sick grandmother - no, all I am thinking about is the next thing I will be stuffing in my mouth or how I can avoid eating tonight so I can get away with the binge I have had this afternoon.